Tired and insecurities

I have been exhausted as of late, even on the days I've gotten extra sleep. I think it's because I've been trying to eat healthier, which has inevitably led to not eating as much, which is probably counter-intuitive. All the same, I feel better eating a sandwich wrap and soup than I do eating a burger and pasta, so I think I'm going to continue eating as I have. I think things would be better if I woke up sooner, so I could actually eat breakfast once in a while.

I've felt very out of it the past few weeks and I haven't been doing things like I usually do. I'm usually keeping occupied on the internet and the like (usually to a fault), but lately I find myself just sitting around feeling unmotivated. I'm hoping that the two week break will get me energized to do stuff again, but that doesn't help me right now. Finals left, a room to clean, packing to do...and that's overlooking Christmas shopping and sending gifts out, which is going to be a task of the ages, methinks...

More than anything else, though, I've been lacking creativity. On all fronts. Usually I get tired of writing poetry, so I write prose, or vice versa. I haven't wanted to write anything since November. I mean, I have ideas in my head, but I have no desire to write. And usually that transfers over to music, and I increase my clarinet practice time. Haven't touched my clarinet since my jury performance on Monday afternoon. I think I just need to read more. And I think I'm going to try drawing lineart over the break, because there's images in my head. I don't know. We'll see.

I've been listening to a lot of music lately. More than usual, I think. Mostly music I've listened to before, though. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. No idea why, though. I certainly have no reason to be expecting things to happen, there's nothing remotely exceptional coming up save for the holidays. Maybe I'm just being paranoid or something. Ah well.

I'm waiting to hear back from my school's lit magazine. I sent in a few poems, though I probably won't know if I've gotten in until February or March. If one does get in, then it'll be the first time I'll be published in a print magazine. If not, I'll probably be a bit upset for a while, but that's what comes with sending things out for publishing. It could be worse. I'm just nervous. With online magazines, I don't know the people, I don't know the process, it's all out of my mind. But with publishing here I know the people involved, I know the writing preference of the faculty advisor, and I know that I'm not as experimental or as traditional as some of the writers here like to read. So I guess that's my concern, and likely why I'm feeling so insecure of it. I don't know what the staff is going to think of my writing. But I've got months to worry about that. In the meanwhile, I suppose I ought to study.

Two finals to go. I can do this.

Keep smiling.