Another revelation...

I went to hang out with a friend tonight, as we usually do on Saturdays. This time she brought some co-workers of hers along. They seemed very nice, and we talked at the cafe we go to hang out at. I'm skipping details and likely telling this story very poorly, but it's going on 3 am and I'm in dire need of sleep. I merely want to get this out before I go to bed.

So, we were talking. Or rather, she was talking, and the conversation would jump from one group to the other. Obviously, I can't talk about work. I don't work there. So when they talked about work, I kind of listened and for the most part spaced out a bit. But the instant it wasn't about work, I was engaged in the conversation, and we all had a good set of laughs about stuff. On the way out, we stood around for a bit, just talking some more, but mostly standing around idling.

This had so much more significance to me when I started writing, and it seems I've forgotten most of it, but the gist of the realization was that even though I can talk to people off the bat no problem, I apparently struggle to actually connect with people on levels that don't involve laughter. This may or may not be a bad thing. If we assume people bond because of common ground, then I suppose I'm just good at figuring out what makes people smile and laugh. Beyond that, though...well, some people I can connect with emotionally without having to try at all. Others, it takes more effort. Funny how that works. Not surprising, just...funny.

Life revolves around funny. I just need to learn to smile and really mean it every single time.

Recently...

I've come to a big realization that I am much too dependent on things coming my way, rather than being proactive about going out and making them happen, both on a smaller and larger scale. I am going to do everything I can to change this. It worked so well for me for housing. I haven't been so active about things as I was with that. I want to make things happen. I called res life repeatedly over the past week and made it clear that if I didn't get a place to stay, I would not be able to attend the school. Lo and behold, I not only got a room, but I was able to snag a room to myself with a shared bathroom, which was the best possible outcome overall. If this is what happens when I apply myself, then I absolutely must apply myself to the rest of my life too. If things could be better simply by my applying myself to living, rather than sitting and waiting, then all I need is to shift myself in that direction and things will improve. Right?

It seems to me that things will work best if I apply myself. So, let's get to it. I'm going to go send an email to the attorney general, I've got a shot at a city internship and I will be damned if I miss out on it.

Keep smiling, everyone.

Hello again.

Funny to say hello again when I technically haven't been here before, but still, it is again and I am glad to be here. The last time I made a blog set for myself, I was rather unhappy with the things I blogged about, and frankly I would like to keep my childish complaints to myself. So I've made this blog instead, for my thoughts but not to whine.

Smile at everything. Once you die, there's no more smiling, so smile while you can.